Scottish Elises

Hardy Scots


50°F
People in Southern England turn on the central heating
People in Edinburgh plant out bedding plants

40°F
Southerners shiver uncontrollably
Glaswegians sunbathe on the beach at Largs

35°F
Cars in the South of England refuse to start
People in Falkirk drive with their windows down

20°F
Southerners wear overcoats, gloves and woolly hats
Aberdonian men throw on a t-shirt; girls start wearing mini-skirts

15°F
Southerners begin to evacuate to the continent
People from Dundee swim in the River Tay at Broughty Ferry

0°F
Life in the South grinds to a halt
Inverness folk have the last BBQ before it gets cold

-10°F
Life in the South ceases to exist
People in Dunfermline throw on a light jacket

-80°F
Polar bears wonder if it's worth carrying on
Boy Scouts in Oban start wearing their long trousers

-100°F
Santa Claus abandons North Pole
People in Stirling put on their 'long johns'

-173°F
Alcohol freezes
Glaswegians get upset because all the pubs are shut

-297°F
Microbial life starts to disappear
The cows in Dumfriesshire complain about farmers with cold hands

-460°F
All atomic motion stops
Shetlanders stamp their feet and blow on their hands

-500°F
Hell freezes over
Scotland will support England in the World cup

Ales les blues!

Come on England!

Where's the really old tumbleweed when it's most needed?

probably bustling around some of your old threads!

Pah!

you can go off people you know.......

How offensive! I have to take dispute with that joke - it's simply unacceptable and I have a good mind to alert the moderators.

-500°F is less than -273°C (absolute zero) and so I must demand that you modify your post to reflect the true value of -459.67°F

Ed

Have responded to this to thwart Noops attempt at replying to every post


Still on the English Offensive.........


Two Englishmen- businessmen in London - were sitting down for a break in
their soon-to be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a
few shelves set up.

One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some thick tourist is going
to walk by, put his face to the window and ask what we're selling.'

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious

Scotsman walked to the window, had a peek, and in a broad Scottish
accent asked

"What are you selling here?"

One of the men replied sarcastically,

"We're selling arse-holes."

Without skipping a beat, the Scotsman said,

"You are doing well ... Only two left!"

NOOPS 160 wrote:Hello ED .....remember me ,

Haha