Scottish Elises

Just a couple of quotes from the girlfriend which certainly amazed me

The first one while driving along the motorway "Dont you think its strange how all the cars on this side of the road have yellow numberplates and the ones on that side all have white ones "
Not sure if the next one is worse or better , she was driving along the road and suddenl;y slammed on the brakes at an amber light , when i asked her what she was doing she said she was "waiting to see if it turned red or green"
Also this is someone who has been driving for 10 years
anyone else got anything that could even compete with this

My girlfriend got a fright the first time she drove from Glasgow to Edinburgh because not all of the motorway had streetlights

Blonde is she?

Not driving related, but, having just bought new pillows and noted they were from China during the height of the bird flu panic, I made some sort of witticism about the feathers in the pillows to my now ex.

She gave me a slightly shocked, but very confused look, and asked what i meant.

The long and short of it was, she was shocked/horrified the feathers in feather pillows came from birds

I will mention no names

Person A "why is the rain falling down at an angle ?"
Person B "it's not stewarton is on a hill, your at an angle the rain is falling straight down"
Person A "oh right, I never knew that"

My sister was having problems getting on the internet at my fathers house. She asked me if the problem was because the house sat in a dip. I explained to her that she was correct and the internets had difficulty flowing up away from the house. She then hit me!

I was once waiting at the departure lounge at glasgow airport. Big articulated fuel truck pulls alongside the plane. On the side of the truck it said BP AIR. One of the old women sitting next to me asked her friend if that was the truck to blow up the plane tyres. Well it did say BP AIR. I nearly choked on my beer trying not to laugh and spilt it all over myself. Karma is a bitch

a friend of mine and my sisters asked her once how the forth road bridge stayed up so my sis started to explain that it was a suspension bridge so hung from the cables etc etc at which point my friend said no i understand that but how do the pillars float in the water?
I think the scariest thing is that this girl is a primary school teacher!

2 of the best I have heard -

How does the fax paper get down the telephone wires ?
How does the TV licence detector van detect your licence in the house ?

Coming into a 30 over those red rumble strip things -

" are those there so blind drivers know when they are coming into a 30? "

(ex gf now I must add )

I was sharing my Worldly knowledge with my ex -

I told her that "a full moon gave off about the same light as a 40W bulb" to which she replied "Get lost, you would never see a 40W bulb from the moon"

She was correct.

tut

tut wrote:She was correct.

tut

Technically..... yes

Heading to glasgow from edinburgh there is a large "thing" at the side of the road, some sort of transmitter I believe, big sliver thing on the left round about the harthill area.. well my mrs asked me what it was so I told her it shouts "SLOW DOWN!" at speeding drivers, I let her believe that for a few months before i told her otherwise.. she thought it was broken as it never shouted at the cars overtaking me while I was doing 70

Mark

I convince a friend that the very same "Object" belonged to the golf course and was there for the players to "play thru" the motorway by pitching the ball into the funnel.


Oh how I laughed when the story got back round to me as fact!


Mac