)For those of you unlucky enough not to have attended one of these before, hopefully this will explain some of the lunacy involved.
Saturday of departure, as my previous trip FFr’s will attest to, normally involves a BBQ at mine, while I pack. This year, I was dressed in a brand new Ralph suit, driving to a funeral in Glasgow, and in keeping in FF tradition, as “brisk” pace was needed as I feared I was running late! Not like I was a pall bearer or anything important!!!
3.15 and I was heading south, changed, and heading for Deal. The usual boredom of travelling down the Uk set in, but with my Shures on, some tracks playing, it was okay. Being left alone with your thoughts for 6 hours is possibly not a good thing straight from a funeral, but the Mule was going strong, and I was reflecting on how lucky I was, and how sad it was I hadn’t ever really gotten the feeling that I knew my Aunt that well.
Anyhow, the usual elements of the M25 we now becoming clear as I got south. Namely a big sod off electronic notice board warning of delays! Now they list junction numbers, but Tom Tom didn’t, so I was praying I wasn’t about to spend 2 hours parked up, and I didn’t
Sailed on through and down to Deal, to find the boys in a restaurant on the sea front. Seemed to be a lot of hotties on my way through town, and was wishing for the pulling power of the 430 rather than the Mule!
Ordered dinner for me and DDTB (in case he missed the 930 cut off) had a beer, caught up with the boys and the headed for the hotel.
Ali C caught a pax back with me, and had to sit on my North Face duffle, which meant to looked about 9ft tall! Seemed to cause some amusement.
Morning beckoned, and after managing to wake the hotel owner to pay, we headed for Dover. The roads there were okay, but 50mph, with mega cameras. Down to the line, VIP as Mikes pics show, and waited. Time for the first bit of stickering then;
Got to board first of the cars, and off to Dunkirk we sailed.
Not likely to be doing that again, to slow for the saving, and a 2 hour crossing is an hour too long, although we did eat and refuel. Our posse now included Ali, Mike, DDTB, Frank, Dave (wheelie), Craig, Big D and family, Corbie (& his mate who’s name I’ve now forgotten) and Rog, the man from Delmonte. (not wearing his trademark linen suit unfortunately).
Sent Robin a text to see if he’d beat me to the bar at the Le Mans. A typical Iddon reply which was highly amusing, “Never. See you in Limoge”
We were off and scampering towards Le Mans. Almost immediately, Team SE disintegrated with different fuel loads, cruising speeds, and a varying level of contempt for French speed limits.
Long old slog down to Le Mans, and I couldn’t be bothered with the scenic route. In the last few years I have to say that my enjoyment of road driving has withered, and now I’d far rather be on track than off it.
Once turning on to the final peage before Le Mans, I noted the sign saying “no fuel for 80kms” and wondered how many dumb Brits that must have caught out on the annual pilgrimage to the epic circuit.
Well the Mule’s fuel tank started to prove a point, as it swung from 20 litres and started heading south, to refill, and with 20kms to go I was fearing the worse, and potentially becoming one of the “dumb brits!”. But in form that was to prove the story of the Mules trip, it rolled in to the station, k still running and defying my fears!
Mike caught up with me, as I then had to explain to him how to work the automatic fuel system. After worrying that Mike might be having a “special” moment it transpired that actually none of his cards would work – so I bought him his first drink of the holiday!
Down the Le Mans we went, various Se’ers pinging in mileage updates, and then we found George, who decided to give chase.
Le Mans ibis was a car park full of Elises, Exiges, the odd 7 when we arrived. And we had the whole hotel, which was lucky!
Crozier arrived an immediately had a problem, which he set about trying to fix. This involved the rest of us spectating and drinking, while poor Ali tried to sort his car. Mike also had an issue with a toelink I think.
Anyway I got a bit lashed, and after heading to me room, was interrupted during a relaxing toilet break by a certain A Walsh esquire, with a fire extinguisher…….
Monday dawned, and my room had more in common with a paddy field than a hotel suite. Breakfast and off to the circuit.
Got out on track. Awesome place, great circuit, a good bend of corners, and some quality opportunities to drift the Mule. Needless to say, 3 hours sleep, over enthusiasm and a pax meant that as I drifted around a corner on my second session with Stewart in the car, judgement and talent saw me miss the exit kerb and land in the gravel, sideways. A beached Mule it was……
The Q7 circuit car arrived, hooked on to the towing Eye, and ripped the entire towing post and grill straight out of the car! It was funny! Not sure the circuit dude could believe I was laughing about it. Tied the rope over the roll bar (note S1 owners!) and out it popped. We were told to keep off the track and get rid of the gravel, which I was doing, however they hadn’t told me the circuit was about to go live again!
The afternoon saw some great laps with Craig and Mike, and the Ali gave me the keys to the Exige. Genius car! Power oversteer available, and the brakes…..WOW! Loved it. Ali was out in the Mule, and amusingly, (after I’d spun in another sideways manoeuvre (trying to show Jamie Stanley full opposite lock after passing him and his paying instructee) ) I came up behind the Mule, on a cool down. We’d both been having a blast!
For a good bit of that I was playing with a French Supercharged local Elise, properly set up, which was great fun.
In the pits, it got a wee bit embarrassing, as people kept commenting about how “sideways” a certain Exige had been during that last session!
Walshy had been trying to sort his radiator all day – this was as far as they got at Le Mans by leaving time;
Back to the hotel shattered out for dinner, which was a massive Seafood platter for Ali and Walshy, courtesy of Golding, some monkeying about, and then bed. As it turned out for me, a very smart move.
Now try and spot the Walshs car in the picture below;
Tuesday is a more relaxing day, as all we have to do is get to Limoge. Not much of an issue really, unless you drive a shed that is! Mike and I set off in convoy, Craig determined to do some cross country route, and neither of us that fussed.
For the first time ever, we are first to arrive at the next hotel! We go for lunch with James K, and afterwards go to get fuelled for the following day.
Robin and the Ape turn up, and regale us with stories of legendary driving roads, the odd bit of “McKeaning” it, etc etc. Dinner, beers, and bed.
Wednesday, 6.30am up and out, and we are off to Val de Vienne at 7am. Running up the N road, the traffic is heavy, and the 60 miles is taking AGES. However once we turn of that disgrace of a road, we are met with some Elise roads! Hurrah. There is still mist waiting to burn off in the valley, and some of the tracks are single lane, tree lined, stunning.
The Mule, and its 135r S1 stable mate, are skipping along, catching up other FF8 attendees, and leaving them to their slumbers.
Arriving at the track, the Ape is in fine fettle. We decide after the “unexciting laps” other wise known as sighting laps, to go out and see how our cars stack up. This proves to be hilarious. While no-one else knows the circuit, we have a chance to own the track for a while, passing all sorts of things. We swap positions and the Ape now has the chance to enjoy my comedy car roll, erratic lines and sideways antics. The Ape, a changed primate from previous trips, is keeping is car in a straight line to “preserve my tyres” I’m told.
A S1 Exige racing cars comes down the pitlane, during a brake. McKean, showing more speed than a Le Mans starter of old, springs from his chair, and runs for his car. Shouting that this is our chance to scalp him before he learns the track. Good point. Well made 1 lap later!
Craig offers me the keys for the 340r. Havent driven one since Scottys RR version, and WOW the difference is immediate. The controls are more tactile, braking points can be taken later, more cornering speed is possible, and, compared to the Mule, no comedy oversteer. Not that it wont go sideways, but when it does the limit is higher, the correction needed is more instant, and it has a habit of snapping back a bit harder. What is apparent, after catching the Ape in Mikes car, and lapping together for a lap or two, is its down on power.
The latter is causing Craig no end of annoyance, and us no end of amusement. Seems to be okay till it gets hot, but he’s unable to scalp us lowly S1’s down the straights.
Its roasting hot, but even hotter in Ali’s car post lunch. When it tries to go on fire. Not a real fire, just a bit of exhaust on undertray action, which a bit of spannering sorts out.
Then a miracle happened. Someone arrived with a broken Exige. I nonchalantly offer that its “probably the inertia switch”, and guess what, for the first time in Lotus ownership (certainly for a while) I’m right! Time for a celebration lap of 20.
The track itself is fun, the main straight leading to a double apex right, which you forget about the first apex and aim for the run in cone for the second, then go in to a long left hand bend, easy to put the power on too soon in. The next right hander is almost double apex (small straight) when taken flat, and sees some comedy efforts, including myself when 2 up trying to avoid and increasingly wayward Mike!
You get a break then down the back straight, leading to a chicane. The quicker drivers can make a lot of time on the breaking point for this, and then another small straight sees a right hand band, into a full 90 degree right, which is good for the sideways stuff.
On exit you can get the foot down through a right and left hand sequence and power down to a 120 degree left. Again braking here is key for a quick lap. 50m and your at a hairpin left, I’ll let DDTB describe that one (see his video) and your now almost home. Another straight leads to a left hander, tight right, small straight, 90 degree left, which I spend all day cocking up, and then small straight through a flat out right hander, in to another right, which you can drift to the exit kerb, and lap over……
On the run home I decide that Tom Tom can take me any route but not the N road. My god does it deliver! Our convoy is treated to a route so good, I call Walshy to let him know. Some great Elise roads, tracks and random paths I’ve been down in an age. Even after a full day at the circuit I’m loving this!
We flirt with towns, main roads for 46 miles, but just as I think things are back to normal, Tom Tom sends us up another mad track! Passing is easy, as there is little to no traffic, some confused locals, no doubt wondering how we found the place. Epic! Stunning weather, stunning roads, and knowing theres a few ice cold ones at the end.
Dinner, beers, and an earlish night ahead.
Mas du Clos – where to start? Well it a private track, notoriously hard to get on to, as its owned by a chap who just happens to have Frances largest Ferrari collection. Feeling, short of cash? He was , and sold one for 6m Euros to help make ends meet – that’s him at 200 or so now…….
Trusted Tom Tom with another “shortest route”. What started to worry me was when it asked if I wanted to use paved roads only! Haha! A bizarre route sees us lose some of our convoy, Craig has a wee stop somewhere, and after a maze of bizarre roads, more stunning sun rise and mist moments, we’re there.
Stunning place, comedy entrance, which makes you think the barrier will close on your car! As its codes operated to open, and the key pad is on the wrong side, some comedy moments are provided all day!
Other thing of note are the tyre walls. Most circuits, well the tyres are shattered, looking like they’ve been up and Alpine pass with McKean in his old car (when drifting was his bag!). Mas du clos – all brand new tyres! I talk to Robin about how we can steal the engine from the new M3 next to us, and borrow those tyres to turn the Mule in to a true race horse.
Briefing over, and we’re off. The Ape providing the unexciting lap lead, and its apparent from turn 1, a right hand up hill high speed 180 degree turn that we have found an epic track. The videos will best describe it.
Golding prevents me following McKean out when it goes live, presumably to prevent one of us embedding an Elise in the guys house, which is at the top twisty section of the track.
Not a bad manoeuvre as I do a 30 minute stint with my sunglasses attached as shown below;
Not surely I could do the same thing again? Well I couldn’t, I went of with my tyre gauage still on the back of the car! Red flag! The boys were disspointed apparently as I’d put it perfectly in place for the turn in on turn 1 !
Up the back though the brave, and non mega BHP cars can take the right and turn flat, requiring a tight sphincter at first, and some gentle hands to correct the slight waywardness, and in the mule the desire to slide sideways.
The next wee bit involves another double apex, then down hill to a hairpin, which is “drift-tastic” then a steep uphill bit, where the mule labours, into a breaking area, where getting it wrong means you’ll end up in the track owners from room! Watch the video if you don’t believe me, or ask Mike what colour his curtains are - he was apparently that close!
However the next section looks more like a circuit designed by Dom, the SE autotest guru, except with corners where cones would be. I hooked it up once perfectly, and drifted the entire thing, from corner to corner. A 7 would have been the weapon for this sequence, as a pax in a slickshod R400 proved later! Although that back section, he was braking to 90 and through, where as we under powered boys were 100-110 through it! (it felt faster in the screenless r400 though)
The last turn was a downhill right to left, dropping of the hill seen in this picture, blind apex, and hard to gauge turn in, till the Ape spotted the end of the fence for us to aim for. He’s a genius at finding turn-in points and lines!
Needless to say it was only a matter of time till I got out of shape on that corner, carrying too much speed (just) and hitting the exit kerb, and putting one wheel in the grass……fully sideways, but brought it back and continued, the Mule clearly feeling at home in the field!
In to the pits, and a fine mist was eminating from my radiator. F***. Walshy had already used the spare radiator!
Egor was despatched, with Snr Iddon piloting, and off in search of radweld and araldite we went.
Best guess at the French product description for Radweld later, and 30 minutes of our lives wasted Q-ing, and Egor was fuelled, and we were back on track, for yet another botch job. Robin, as a lot of you know, always gives you a certain confidence that some how, you’ll fix it…….thats about all he has in common with Jimmy Saville fortunately!
Mule back out after lunch for some more laps. Lunch meaning Nic (Mrs Ali C) can drive Walshy for some laps. Clearly inspired by the Welshmans patter, or perhaps trying to escape his chat, she storms of on the sighting lap, leaving James Knight to wonder what he was following! As she comes through the final bend, with hazards flashing, the lead sighting car is 2 straights clear, and spiralling off in to what proves to be an unrecoverable lead. Just like when James and I where in LOTRDC! (just kidding!)
Nic has the bug, and is off out later on too! Quality effort, and so not an easy track for your first taste of track driving! Well done!
Mike, still making mutterings about the joys of S2000 ownership (honest) then lets Walshy drive his car…..turn 1, no gears……oh cock…..
Robin is on car repair form, and with the help of the mad Linden, and Walshy, who really just sat in the car and pressed the clutch pedal, a new clutch cable is wired through the car to last the trip.
Day done, S1 sheds still running, hence the pic, and we’re heading for a lake for spot of swimming and a beer. Walshy and Ali and Co join also.
An entertaining beer, swim, where Craig thrashes Walshy and Linden in a race, and we’re off home, sun now setting.
Mornay is Friday, and we’re up in the car park, team Shed, ready to head off at 7am! DDTB looks like he is still actually asleep. We have a spring in our pace this morning, and skip past other frolicers on route. Arriving early, get fuelled, get along and then Golding tells me “you’ll love this track, perfect for drifting, but they are very precious about their grass!” . Yup, go off and they will be more pissed about their lawn than anything else.
Another great circuit, with an almost mini alpine pass esk climb at one end, and the chance to drift across the last corner to the acclaim of the crowd, on the final turn.
I finally get out with Walshy for an “exciting lap” but the Ape, who got out in front, ups and leaves. Clearly in hunt for bananas, he’s on a charge, with Walshy keen to see if we can “make him try too hard”.
The Mule, loves this circuit. Its tyres less so, as the pic will show. Every corner is sideways, just brilliant fun.
Robin is letting Nic drive his car, and giving her pointers.
The morning is a blur of drifts, laughs and the thought at the back of my mind is “don’t kill the Mule pre-Ring trip”. Predictably, after trying to get the car totally sideways I spin!
In the afternoon, at lunch Ape, Walshy and I, go out with Claude and the circuit owner to look at the new layout. At the top of the hill you lose the down hill twisties, and go high speed instead.
Opinion is divided until we are treated to a quick run the C-max! A bit too dangerous for the last afternoon of the trip, with a gravel bank, and minimal run off pre barrier to those that get it wrong. It would have been fun though, but I’m happy as 3 drifting corners would have been lost.
Golding departs for the LOTRDC race, and swipes the ape’s deck chair!
The final corner prepares to become the drift zone, with polystyrene plaques becoming score cards, for marks out of 10!
Walshy and I head out on track for a drifting session, Mule and 111r. What we didn’t know was that they had closed the track for us to do this! Interesting trying to do this and you forget just how much speed the car in front will lose when parked sideways drifting!
Lap 1 I spend almost as much time trying to avoid SheepShagR as drifting, but its awesome fun! Unfortunately for the people watching, the best bits are out of sight. Always one of those things though, hard not to look average at best, when you are out with someone that spends most of his life looking out the side glass! I try though! Oh for a few more laps. Predictably I spin towards the end of the cool down lap, while cocking about. The Mule simply had no more lock to give, and if trying to out drift the Welsh river-dancer, you need all the help you can get.
Back in I am asked not to drift anymore, as I didn’t go down to well with the circuit owner. Nuts!
Still no-one else seems to have heard that, as car after car comes round the last bend trying to get sideways. What have we started! Ali has an awesome effort, and Mike, well he appears to be driving the circuit out of inconvenience, as he purely must “ave eeet” every time through the final bend.
Mule has torched it tyres, but team shed is still intact, and we are off for some dinner and beers!
3am was overkill, as I rise at 8.30, and pack for the trip to Germany.
A long and boring trip follows, with the highlights being, no-one being pulled, the Mule hitting just shy of 140mph on the bahn, and Dave finding a gem of a motorway that my tom tom indicated I should be ploughing, not driving along.
A clenched moment with the gendarme pulling motorists at the one peage my machine chose not to work on, and all was good till I exited the bahn.
Flashing temp warning on the dash, 102, 114, 117 – oh cock. Seems like Mike and I drafting each other in hope of the ultimate Elise speed title had come at a cost to the Mule. I had assigned myself the dick of the day prize, and merely 10 miles from the Ring. FFS!!!!!
Up to the hotel, I was gutted, already with one eye on my watch, with a thought of heading for the ferry in the stricken Mule. However, due to Robin’s guidance and the radiator bleeding process, I was able to give it a shot, in case this might be caused by an airlock.
After colossal fannying about, and thanks to Mike and Frank also, the Mule seemed okay, and no leaks thankfully, which would have ruled out the ring.
Off for Steak on a stone at the Pistenclause…….genius.
Next morning, Crazy Dave (Aussie man, lives in Holland, all round top bloke who spends SO much time at the ring) gets RSR to change our tyres. It takes a while so we do a lap in his BMW compact 323i. Hilarious. Not sure M3 boy thought so when we passed 3 up!
Ali has sun stroke, well I think it was that, as he starts washing his car! The Mule gets a little wash, while wheels are done, and just to give me something to do.
Finally its time to go out on track. Very nervous, but the Mule has been behaving perfectly. DDTB is strapped in as pax, as his alternator belt has started to fall to pieces, and we’ve no hope of a replacement. That was during his first lap, gutted for him!
First lap is sub 9 minutes and not bad. I buy a 15 lap ticket thinking the Mule is cured.
Some corners through the second half of the lap I don’t have a clue about, next few are about 9.10, 9.20 mins dependant on traffic. Mike has set the shed bar at 9 minutes, timed.
Some great laps follow, one where we have a Carrera S hold us up all lap! Another where we “make” a space to get by the 335i that didn’t see us coming…..his line was so sh*t I thought he had! Ooops!
There are a few rests for the Mule as the temp begins to climb, but I let it cool down fully, check for airlocks, bleed the system, and go again.
Out with DDTB we post a 8.58, and return to celebrate to find Mike has made an 8.57, with Ali as pax, apparently looking for the imaginary brake pedal for a lot of the last few bends!
Out alone now, I post an 8.40, and the track is clearing, and I’m recognising it better. Mike clearly is having none of this, sighting dodgy timing gear, no pax etc
Wheelie Dave asks to come out, unaware of Mikes banter with me. I suspect he wouldn’t have come if he’d known. Mike states that there is no way I’ll come back with an 8.40-anything. That will be a challenge then…….
The ring is SO quiet now, I know there is a good chance to make it if I keep it nailed in a few more places, and concentrate on where to go. We are on a charge….
Traffic is out of the way pretty much everywhere, and with the Mule beginning to get out of line a bit, I’m having to concentrate bloody hard. On the uphill section the temp flies up to 104C, not now…..PLEASE…..the Mule responds by dropping the temp to 82C almost instantaneously, and we are climbing the back section, while trying not to use all the revs.
Into the carousel, I know we have to move. 2nd gear foot to the floor, grounding on entrance, through it, feeling almost like a hethel built bobsleigh, we ferret round, and launch out of it. Foot need to stay down, but mustn’t bin it.
Final hill, slight fractional lift to ensure I don’t stuff it into the first turn here, and foot down through the second, and across the line to see 8.43. Well its 8.44 by the time Dave presses the correct stop button! Elated!
Back in the pits, delighted, winding up Mike, as the Ring is now shut, and we wont be out again today. I think everyone has had an awesome day, albeit another tiring one.
Go to move the Mule to find it wont start. No, surely not. Tell me my final lap idiocy hasn’t killed it. Nothing seems to revive it. Not Robin available on the phone, SLS is the call, and Ali is running through all the remote diagnosis while Mike is thinking the engine may have seized. Dom, our friend from Holland, hits the inertia switch.
The MULE is back! I reposition for the picture, just in time to have the police come over. Oooops. No front plate. Well I tell him about the rough love of the Q7 at Le Mans. He stares at the injured front clam. “ have you had an accident here today?” . Oh sh*t. Does he know that Scotty is my mate???
I have a pic from Le Mans in my phone which I show him. This placates him, I get instructed to drive with my plate on my dash board, and away they go……..
Pistenclause again then.
Next morning at 630, we have an Evo alarm clock, as the Man from Delmonte departs. I’m awake and keen to get the early ferry! Ali is up for it also. We pack and bail just as the rest of the crew emerge thinking similar thoughts.
We push Ali to the top of the hill as the Exige is out of fuel! He coasts just the 5 miles needed to petrol station, with a brief surreal moment of meeting Single seat BMW race academy race cars coming down both sides of the street towards us! This doesn’t happen anywhere else!
Off we head for the ferry. Boring drive, but we make it with time to spare, and sit around as the rest of the boys gradually appear, all but Big D making the 2pm ferry.
Off the other end, determined to beat the London rush hour, I have a brief moment wondering if I’ll get pulled for enthusiastic over taking of muppets, when a third lane appears for a down hill motorway section, and the only fan I seem to have attracted is of the 2 wheeled police variety. After a very rapid, non braking slow down, he obviously feels kind and heads off….
My Tom Tom takes us into London, while I’m on my hands free having a call, and paying no attention to road signs, and I’m fearing the worst. However it flirts with the congestion zone and we emerge on the M11 heading for the A1.
Not too much happens till we stop for fuel where the Mule is on the verge of overheat! Come on Mule, don’t die now….. I’m starting to fear comparison with Hammond and Oliver! I’ve even started talking to it now, “Alez le Mule”. I’ve clearly been alone for too long today……
Another few hours pass, and we’re on the A68! Hurrah! A bit of rain , an overheating Mule means, I’m being cautious, but Mike and I are trying to see who can get home first. Not that we’re competitive or anything! So I press on.
We hit Carter Bar, now I REALLY know the road! Nearly home! Drier roads, but lessening light.
9.45, and I pull in to the drive. Kit out of the Mules saddlebags, pop it in the garage, congratulate it on getting home.
Now when’s FF9
