Scottish Elises

Can be dangerous to your health.

Went to the Supermarket for breakfast this morning as my carer/cook is away on holiday in Rhodes sunning herself up. Just about finished when a low life came staggering in and sat down on the next table. Obviously pissed and probably drugged up, his food arrived, he took exception to it and started effing and blinding at the top of his voice.

The rest of the lunchers were OAP couples and mothers with kids, so I told him to cut it out. I expected some response, but not that he would leap up and come at me with a knife. Bit out of practice so did not want to risk taking him out close up, so blocked it with my chair then smashed him over the head with it. Security then turned up and took over, and I tried to sneak out, but they insisted on taking my details. Told them that I did not want to take it any further, press charges, or get involved with the police and legged it.

What's the betting that I get charged with using excessive violence?

tut

I don't think many jurys are going to convict you when you hobble into court on crutches and fall over a few times before pissing yourself in front of everyone, I think you'll be ok.

nice touch with the chair

imagine him in court facing the beak and accusing the clearly frail elderly old war hero on crutches and no shoes of dicking him with a chair over breakfast

I'd make a complaint and get him lifted for assault and breach of the peace.

Bloody Hell Tut,

Imagine the headlines -

War Veteran Takes Down knife wielding Yob.

David "Tut" Duncan

I really do not want to get involved in a Court case Chris. Not bothered about myself, but if he has mates that turn up in court, it would hit the papers, and then my house and family could be targets.

I don't think he was badly hurt, pretty flimsy chairs, but if he had got up he would have been, so maybe he will think twice next time.

tut

You are pulling our legs Tut ????

Fraid not Stewart, just one of those things.

tut

If he is a proper pissheah/junkie then his mates (if he has any) will only be concerned with obtaining their next giro and getting wankered. I doubt they would waste any energy tormenting an old dude in a tracksuit. You dont even have any shoes they could steal.

Think I may play safe Kenny and rope in Scotty, McApe etc as my back up team.

tut

Tut - you are a legend. Guess he didn't expect to get a doing from a barefoot pensioner
Taking out junkies before breakfast (or had you finished your fry )

Yep just finished, two soft fried eggs, three rashers of bacon, two tattie scones, expresso, £3.10.

Well cooked, go there quite often with Verian, and great value. Aint telling her as she is on holiday, and she would only say that it was probably my fault anyway.

tut

tut wrote: I don't think he was badly hurt, pretty flimsy chairs, but if he had got up he would have been, so maybe he will think twice next time.
tut

...should I put a helmet on if I am near Tut Tower?

Since when were you a low life Markus?

If it works out, plan on meeting up with you at the top of Glenshee on Saturday. Will not be doing any sightseeing or tours, but happy to show you some great roads on the way to Kemnay.

tut

Matelotman wrote:I'd make a complaint and get him lifted for assault and breach of the peace.

Don't forget the knife!