Notes on a Track Day.

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pete
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Notes on a Track Day.

Post by pete » Wed Apr 18, 2018 4:59 am

Or “Why I never say hi to anyone.”
Or “Slightly too great an insight into pete’s thoughts. Again.”

Act One
Mainly existential angst

“This is just stupid” I’m thinking to myself as I turn onto the M80 heading out of Glasgow towards Knockhill. I know I should be excited and I can remember doing these when I did get excited, but this morning my head is just not in the right place. "This has to be the most expensive hobby imaginable and why didn't I buy a comfortable car?" I think.
This should be ace, I’m in the new car, with new Tillett seat fitted last week so I can press the pedals without my knees hitting my chin. The sun is shining and the roads are empty. But I couldn’t sleep last night (partly too excited, and mainly because I left getting ready until the last minute) and had one or two too many glasses of wine so my head is a bit sore. Just as I join the M876 (I’m like a proper grownup using road numbers and everything. Thanks Google maps) I pass another Lotus, even though it’s not someone I recognise seeing an Elise would normally cheer me right up but instead I just start worrying about how fast I’m going as the bloody speedo is in KPH and I can’t seem to divide by 3. Or is it multiply by 3 then divide by 2. No That would mean I’m doing 150 mph. Oh I just got overtaken by a Renault Traffic I can’t be going that fast.

I stop for fuel and make pleasantries with the other guy in, it turns out, a 135r and then off I trundle, wondering, as I go around the roundabout, why I don’t seem to have any front end grip. I can barely keep up with another van in front of me… (early morning roads are exclusively for vans and race cars).Just as I’m clearing the roundabout onto the A road a yellow Exige S goes past a whole line of slow moving cars, me included, and at last I break into a half smile but I don’t even try to keep up. It looks ace though and seems to light up the whole sky it’s so bright.

Act Two

“Morning” I say to D as I get out of the car in the car park, “I thought it was you, cheered me right up watching you go past” I tell him, inexplicably coming over all Northern when I write it down.
“Did you not see me behind you on the roundabout?”
“Err no, I can’t really see behind me.” I reply to an openly disapproving look. “I normally just rely on being the fastest car on the road,” I continue “but it’s not a theory I’ve really thought through.”
We meander in for coffee and nod hi to a couple of people, but now I just want to get out on track. Why can everyone remember my name but I can’t remember anyone else’s? It’s my fault for looking peculiar. I decide. Tut’s here! (whose name I can remember, obviously) And I’d forgotten he was coming down but I’m so surprised to see him I only manage a brief hi before the briefing starts, resolving to chat later.
28psi? No bloody wonder it feels so twitchy. I let air out of all the tyres then I unpack all my crap out of the boot and am relieved to discover that I can still sit in the new car with my helmet on. By the time I’ve buggered about my group has largely left so I chase after them for fear of missing my warm up lap.
Why?
Why do I care if I miss the warm up lap, I’ve been to KH what, 10 times? 20?
Because it’s a track day and all I can think about is how I should be on the track.

They’ve resurfaced the track so it’s completely changed* and this car is much too fast. I mean it’s actually uncomfortable, I find myself short shifting at the end of the straight and utterly failing to be even nearly on the pace. The brakes feel awful so I after convincing myself the brakes are fading I head back to the pits. Why would anyone want to go so fast? I'm frightened.

“Oh hell” I think as I see Mike in the pits in the Golf. “See if he overtakes me in a bloody hatchback with a rack on top I’m selling up and going home. Or go home and then selling it, that would be a better way round as I’d not be stranded in Fife.” But it turns out he’s just here to socialise so after we exchange pleasantries (look! I can do small talk! Like a grown up!), I insist he drives the new car for a couple of laps which I cunningly use to reset my benchmark on how fast you are supposed to go in a car. Mike is mentally unstable behind the wheel of a car.

All it actually does is establish that my new car is much, much too fast. And after 2 years without a track day I’ve forgotten how to drive. As the car is cooling down I awkwardly join the rabble of cool kids in the car park clustered round Andy’s Lamborghini*.
“What brakes are in that?“ Mike asks.
“Carbone Lorraines. They feel like they are overheating.” I reply to derisive looks.
“Nah, they’re just sh!t.” Is the wisdom of the crowd and I remember resolving never to use them again after a set failed on me at Spa***.
“Just brake as hard as you can.” suggests Andy, forgetting that I prefer to drive as if passing through the car park of local Tescos, where at any moment a toddler could jump out from between parked cars****. Safety first.
I’m mainly in the car park because someone has crashed but it gives me the chance to explain to Mrs Ape my theory that the Ape has a five year plan laid out in his library with key milestones being linked with cotton, like they do on CSI between clues. She looks at me oddly and assures me this is not the case, and that he doesn’t even have a library.
He then falsely claims I’ve been trying to buy his van and tells me not to call his partner ‘Mrs Ape’ as she doesn’t like it.

I then try to talk to Sam and attempt to relate to him a theory I heard that the only folk who buy Evoras are those who don’t know Porsche build the Cayman. But Sam is 2, his dad has an Evora, so rather than a bracing debate we play a short game of hide and seek. Sam is possibly the worst hide and seek player I have ever encountered. He only hides behind his dad’s leg and doesn’t seem to realise I can see his feet and most of his body poking out.
I pretend he’s fooling me but the game is almost comically one sided and I win a convincing victory.

(For the entirety of my socialising I remain no more than 6 feet from the pit garage doors, ears cocked for the tell tale sounds of the track re-opening.)

Act 3
Later

Do you know, I think I’m getting quicker. These brakes aren’t awful, they just feel awful, and I actually managed an entertaining twitch there on the hairpin exit. I was actually catching that Porsche! (that Porsche was on a cool down lap – Ed).
It’s a new car so I let it cool down a bit every now and again but don’t like to stray too far from it in case, errm, someone doesn’t know it’s mine. I should probably go and do some more laps.
Right I am definitely no longer the slowest and this car is awesome, although the whine from the charger is a tad unpleasant and makes my ears hurt. Donkey tells me that someone asked him what the noise was and he told them it was “Pete’s Exige.”
Too much Phillip K Dick as a younger man makes me uncomfortable when I learn of folk talking about me when I’m not there as I’m not convinced they exist, but secretly I’m quite pleased.

I manage a couple of laps with an instructor but, apart from 2 corners, his advice is largely “go faster”. This is because I am already awesome and have now started braking quite hard indeed.
Again I let it car cool down, but I’m starting to get twitchy now. “Why am in the pits.” I think “I should go back out!”
The car has a long range tank but the fuel gauge is comically bad. I add a gallon from a can and it shows half full so I reckon I’ve enough for at least one last lap. Maybe two.
Laps and laps fly until there’s a warning light and…. FUEL. But it’s 5 to the hour so it’s probably time to go anyway. The gauge is showing zero as I repack the car and I elicit a promise from Uncle Ron**** that he’ll stop if he sees me broken down so leave in search of petrol.
And a sandwich.

Epilogue
Next time I’ll actually be sociable. I might even just go along to say hi like the adults do. FFS I never spoke to tut. Sorry tut - I wrote this instead. It’s not easy being me you know.

TL;DR my new car is utterly sublime. But uncomfortably fast though, enough to make me a bit frightened. I am now considering buying it presents.

*Actually that should be "very slightly changed"
**They weren’t ‘standing around the Lamborghini’. It just seemed like quite a nice sentence. They were just in the car park where there was space, actually near the door. Probably nearer to Donkey’s Evora. But you know, facts.
***Namedropping.
****This, on a re-read sounds like I’m being sarcastic. I’m exaggerating but I am a very slow driver and having more than once owned cars once owned by Ape I fear bits falling off if I accelerate or brake too hard.
****Not my Uncle.
'99 - '03 Titanium S1 111S.
'03 - '10 Starlight Black S2 111S
'11 - '17 S2 135R
'17 - '19 S2 Exige S+
'23 - ?? Evora

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StiflerMR2
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Re: Notes on a Track Day.

Post by StiflerMR2 » Wed Apr 18, 2018 9:18 am

Brilliant Pete! :damnfunny

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Dominic
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Re: Notes on a Track Day.

Post by Dominic » Wed Apr 18, 2018 9:27 am

Great write up! Sounds worryingly familiar.
http://www.dsaccountancy.com

1999 Lotus Elise Sport 135'99

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graeme
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Re: Notes on a Track Day.

Post by graeme » Wed Apr 18, 2018 10:10 am

You mad barsteward.

































I like you.
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mckeann
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Re: Notes on a Track Day.

Post by mckeann » Wed Apr 18, 2018 10:30 am

You forgot the bit about wanting to buy an Ape vehicle but instead bought a mobility van

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rossybee
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Re: Notes on a Track Day.

Post by rossybee » Wed Apr 18, 2018 11:01 am

You'll be glad to know none of us have such thought processes..... :blackeye
Ross
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2004 Bentley Conti GT

Now browsing the tech pages :mrgreen:

:cheers

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tut
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Re: Notes on a Track Day.

Post by tut » Wed Apr 18, 2018 2:03 pm

Great write up Pete which justs proves you live in a different world.

Unfortunately I could only stay for just over two hours as Craig had to get home for baby sitting, so was on track as much as I could and missed a lot of chat time during and then at the end of the session. I also thought it would be a good chance to get out in other peoples cars which I have never done, but never got around to that.

Also thought of going out as a pax, but I need a steering wheel to hold onto. Always a possibility that I could make the next one but actually leaving home now is getting more difficult.

tut

pete
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Re: Notes on a Track Day.

Post by pete » Wed Apr 18, 2018 9:18 pm

I really need to work on my write ups. This is why only 6 people read it you know, I should talk more about tyre pressures and spring settings.
'99 - '03 Titanium S1 111S.
'03 - '10 Starlight Black S2 111S
'11 - '17 S2 135R
'17 - '19 S2 Exige S+
'23 - ?? Evora

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mckeann
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Re: Notes on a Track Day.

Post by mckeann » Wed Apr 18, 2018 9:31 pm

23/25, 600/750. Boom.

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Mike Scib
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Re: Notes on a Track Day.

Post by Mike Scib » Wed Apr 18, 2018 10:31 pm

Brilliant Pete!

Ps, you should buy a Cayman. You can even fit a 'proper' roofrack onto one :wink:
alicrozier wrote:As Robin said, need to be comfortable and confident to push right up to the limit - sometimes you only find the limit by going beyond it...
(that's why I think Mike will do fine, that and his lack of imagination). :roll: :lol:

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j2 lot
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Re: Notes on a Track Day.

Post by j2 lot » Wed Apr 18, 2018 10:35 pm

:lol: :thumbsup
Entertaining read Pete, It would have been much funnier were it not for the fact that I'm annoyed that I didn't realise there was a track day so it seems like youre taunting me for having a sh*t memory with every word :blackeye
2015 Lotus Evora
2020 Skoda Kodiaq Sportline

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renmure
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Re: Notes on a Track Day.

Post by renmure » Wed Apr 18, 2018 11:04 pm

:mrgreen: funny :mrgreen:
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tut
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Re: Notes on a Track Day.

Post by tut » Wed Apr 18, 2018 11:09 pm

That was my spec Neil, but the springs were too powerful for the road.

Coming up Glenshee from the South I was having to drop back from the group as those humps were trying to throw me off the road.

tut

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Ferg
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Re: Notes on a Track Day.

Post by Ferg » Wed Apr 18, 2018 11:56 pm

Very well written description of a track day experience Pete. 👍

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BigD
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Re: Notes on a Track Day.

Post by BigD » Thu Apr 19, 2018 3:05 pm

Very funny Pete*

It seems like it was ages ago......


*when I read that back it sounds like I’m being sarcastic

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