I think you are misunderstanding the spacers. In your most recent pictures (after/before) I am not sure which is which. I believe the first picture to be incorrect and the second picture to be correct - the thicker spacer goes between the nut and the hub.
See this assembly diagram:
The correct stack up during assembly is:
Balljoint [40]
Conical spacer [38] with chamfered/countersunk section facing the rubber boot; this part should be about 3mm thick; it's the part nearest your pinkie in the original photo of the spacers and you have it chamfered face up in that picture.
Bump steer washer stack [37]
Hub carrier eye [1]
Thick spacer [39]; this part should be about 10mm thick.
Nyloc nut [12]
Note there is no washer underneath the nut in the assembly diagram.
I once got some flak for putting a bunch of unused bump steer washers between the nut and the 10mm spacer. Personally I can see no reason why any number of washers here will make a difference, but apparently that's why the toe link kit failed ... so it's up to you whether you put 0, 1 or more washers into that gap.
AFAIK the point of the 3mm spacer is to allow for a small radius on the balljoint root (where the stud meets the ball). If it weren't for the chamfer/countersink in the spacer then this root would have to be machined to be perfectly square, or the washer/spacer/hub would get jammed on the radius during tightening.
The conical aspect (which is visible in the diagram you posted) has been "superseded" by simply using some bigger washers that can adapt directly from the diameter of the 3mm spacer to the diameter of the eye in the hub.
I hope this is both accurate and helpful.
Cheers,
Robin