NLC- Best man speech

[Shug]

I did one with another guy and we picked the bits of our lives that each knew about best and wrote bits accordingly - then tag-teamed it chronologically We finished each of us with brief personal bits at the end (both standing at this point) before doing the toast together.

[GregR]

I think the "Groom was born premature and according to <bridegroom> nothing much has changed since...." is well worth working into the conversation - again it's either going to get a good laugh or a nervous cough from the room.


Mac

Crikey - you must have heard that one at a 'civil partnership'

Actually mate - it was used against me at my own wedding

I think you've missed my point - if slagging the Groom, surely the bride should advise of the prematurity?

[mac]

totally missed it - having read it three or four times.

Having a blonde day - I was still reading as you have the Groom and the Bridegroom - Feck knows what I was thinking.



Mac

[cnbp173]

On a similar vein.

"As some of you might not know, the groom has been in hospital recently.......

he was in the premature ejacuation clinic.

I believe it was touch and go for a while ther, but he seems to be fine now."

[bigrichi]

"the groom wants to thank everybody at the front for the lovely gifts.....and thank everybody at the back for the towels"

if your crowd doesnt like referrals to class A drugs

[D50]

Good way to start is to say "I have been given good advice that I have to stand up, speak up and shut up, so I'll be brief"

It’s been such an exciting day that I’m absolutely speechless - which is probably very good news for most of you, but what I do have to say today may well bring a smile to your throat and a lump to your lips.

Now, how do I start, well the beginning would be nice, and it all started with Adam and Eve. It makes you think doesn’t it? Adam didn’t have a mother in law and he lived in paradise!

I think you'll all agree that the Bride looks stunning and the groom - well he just looks stunned!

If you’re clever, you’ll always have the last word, if you’re really clever, you’ll never use it!

Always remember: Marriage halves your griefs, doubles your joys and quadruples your expenses.

Marriage is the only life sentence that gets quashed by bad behaviour

Women always like to hear those three little words "You're right (Bride's name)"!!!!

Finally - a good one to end with is "Oh, by the way, I have a copy of a receipt which I gave to the bride earlier. It's in return for giving her the groom. It reads "Received with thanks, one Groom."

I sent her one back which said "Sold as seen. No refund under any circumstances. Dehydrates easily. Top up regularly with Beer and Wine!"

Breaks the ice anyway!

[Northernpar]

Last one I did included:

"Was a bit worried about making this speech as I didn't know how many of XXX's girlfriends would be here......but thankfully the recent outbreak of Foot and Mouth took care of that"

Was a few years back and kinda topical at the time and went down a treat.

[delands]

Hand out a key to all the men going to the wedding...

During speech... "Now that (bride) is no longer single and off the market, could any man here that has a key to her flat/ house please hand it back"

[Rich H]

I like that one!

[DJ]

Hand out a key to all the men going to the wedding...

During speech... "Now that (bride) is no longer single and off the market, could any man here that has a key to her flat/ house please hand it back"

That was done at the last wedding I was at and as an additional twist, just as the last guy sat down after putting his key on the top table and the laughter was subsiding, the minister got up, walked round and put a key down too

[Chucks]

One of the best openers I've seen was the,

"I'm not comfortable with public speaking, so jotted a few brief points down to remind me"
followed by pulling a bogroll from the pocket, letting it roll across the floor then reading from it.

Otherwise find something really insulting to say about the mother in law and you're sorted.

Mac, never thought you were the type.......................

[Stevoraith]

I think you'll all agree that the Bride looks stunning and the groom - well he just looks stunned!

Variation on this that my brother used at mine and I nicked for my mates one;

"I think you'll all agree that <bride> looks one in a million............ <groom> on the other hand looks won in a raffle."

And the one that got the biggest laugh at my wedding;

Best man says in a serious voice
"now <bride> I want you to place you right hand on the table"
"<groom> I want to to place you left hand on top of the brides hand and I want you to remember and cherish this moment forever. I hope you remember how good it feels because it will be the last time that <groom> EVER has the upper hand!"

Works well as the whole room thinks you're starting to get all soppy and then you hit them with the joke!