The Book of Tut

[Shug]

Since the old f*cker refuses to write one himself, I thought as a fitting marker for Tut's 10,000th post, we might share some stories that we've experienced with him.

I first met Tut at a KH trackday organised by MMC (whatever happened to them?) about 3 months after I got the car. I'd only ever been on track for one of the KH race experience days and my history of performance cars was poor, so I was squirrelled away in a corner just listening, nervous about the day ahead. Mid-way through the briefing, as they are talking about overtaking, Tut chimes in with the "yeah, and cars being overtaken, ease off the throttle..." bit, as Alan obviously hadn't got to that part yet. This was in the days when N1 TUT was still running with a K series grenade...

So, we head out to get into the cars and Tut's trooping across to his total shed (barefoot, I then noticed) in that same SIDC jumper and trackies, with a loud shout of "get your roofs off you pussies!!!" at a line of cars that included mine. Duly chastened, I removed my roof....

Out on track, I was keeping out of trouble, staying smooth and letting cars past. First time I see the mad old git, it's through Duffus, sideways, about 3 inches from my rear clam.... All I could see was his wee head poking up above the wheel! Woke me up

The second story is of my first ever road run. 'Twas in Aberdeen and I met Ali and Scotty in Aberdeen itself (managed to stay over with a 'friend') We shot over to Banchory where his Tutness was meeting us - via some basically dirt tracks, which set the scene for the rest of the day...

We're sitting there for some time (tut, strangely, is late) Finally, we hear the burbling of his car as he pulls into the carpark - goes over a speed bump and I hear a stream of expletives from inside the car - given the state of his clam, I'm sure it's not for scraping the paint... He pulls up and we discover that he's only just gone, bought a coffee, sat it in front of the pax seat and driven off. It took until the speed bump before it emptied itself over the interior of the car!!

The run is probably best not described on here, needless to say, it probably cemented my idea of what an SE road run should be and I arrived home with my front clam shotblasted and two blown dampers

So, with those short snippets as a starter (I have more, but some are less savoury) who else has a story of the Barefoot Ninja?

[kenny]

Great idea Shug

Starting off with first meeting…

First met Tut at KH in the pitlane where he asked me to “hold this”. ‘This’ was N1 while he went and got a jerry can.
I had a CTR at the time so was aware of SE, think I may even have joined the yahoo group by that point.
I think it was 2004 that Tut Honda’d N1 and joined TRS for more Honda info. He met up with us for a summer run up the west coast which was my first proper introduction to the man himself and Lotus.

Was an epic trip, I remember chasing Tut over the mental single track road round by Achmelvich thinking that the crazy person in barefeet seemed to be having a hell of a lot more fun than me and the first thoughts of owning a Lotus entered my head.
He later told me he was pootling along in 6th gear whereas I was ragging it senseless in 2nd, 3rd, 4th and still failing miserably to keep up. He found this amusing.

Some brilliant moments on that road
We came up behind a tourist who was ignoring the road signs to let faster traffic pass much to the obvious frustration of Tut.
After a couple of miles of Tut sitting two inches from his bumper clearly the message wasn’t getting through and patience had worn out. Seeing a decent length passing place in the single track Tut went for the overtake, he made it alongside before it became very apparent that a large rock was inconveniently situated at the end of the passing place. Cue tut slamming on the anchors and slipping in behind the car with millimetres to spare. Normally an “oh f**k” moment but found it hilarious he even attempted it.
Later on he managed to pass on a wider stretch and after waving us by stopped to have a little discussion with the tourist. I asked him later what was said. Tut “I just called him a wanker and said his wife was ugly!”

[hendeg]

I'm looking forward to this. It could take over from "Were the fcuk are u you sleepy barsteward's" as the longest thread on SE.

[Sanjøy]

May I suggest this thread is changed to when did you first see Tut get his wee fella out or touch your missus inappropriately while grinning like a teenager ?

[Rich H]

First met him in a McDonalds car park on a run - when he parked in the drive thru entrance...

[bertieduff]

May I suggest this thread is changed to when did you first see Tut get his wee fella out or touch your missus inappropriately while grinning like a teenager ?

Now THAT could be a long thread....

[Shug]

I'm looking forward to this. It could take over from "Were the fcuk are u you sleepy barsteward's" as the longest thread on SE.

Only if we get more people than just Kenny and I posting actual content....

[robin]

First ever meeting was prior to some tracknight at KH - was just after 99 Stelvio (Andy B. and his pal were up too). I think this must have been Tut's first visit to KH, actually, because I remember showing them KH on TOCA2 in the morning before we went and Tut was annoyed that we hadn't got to play the evening before because he could perhaps have learned the lines (as if he knows them now after 1000s of laps).

Anyway, Tut showed up, armed with pictures of his house. Katie was away but was sure he was some sort of child molester so insisted that I installed some sort of motion detectors on the stair case Tut duly set them off, though not for any reasons she was worried about, obviously!

After that, Tut would stay over quite a lot after or before track days and I was happy to leave him here while I went off to work. Our cleaning lady was somewhat surprised to find him wandering around naked though ...

Many more stories about Tut and his antics to tell, but one thing is for sure, his heart is always in the right place, even if the rest of his anatomy is a bit wayward

Robin

[bertieduff]

Only if we get more people than just Kenny and I posting actual content....

Ok, ok

My first encounter was at a very wet SIDC day in '96. My better half went out for a pax with a barefoot pensioner on what i assumed would be a quiet tootle around the track.

10 minutes later she fell out of N1 and proclaimed loudly, to the great amusement of assembled pit-lane " That was better than sex!!"

[Fluoxetine]

I don't post all that regularly on here these days, but have been involved with SE since just after the 'onelist' turned into 'yahoogroups' in late 1999...

I didn't have internet access back then, so Del used to print out selected posts (there was nowhere near the activity / number of people in the group back then), and snail mail them to me. I was aware of an individual called 'tut', who talked of some fairly wild driving exploits - I had a mental image of some crazy early-to-mid twenties character, who drove like something of a loon...

Eventually, I ended up joining the group on the first trip to the Lotus show at Donington in 2000 - As I pulled into the usual A1/ Edinburgh meeting place, I noticed a young lad with an Azure S1 (Keith), who I assumed was tut...I blethered away for a while, even calling him 'tut', until he pointed out that 'tut' was actually the barefooted bloke, in his late fifties...(!)

Cue an epic trip - Met Campbell, Kelvin, Lawrence, Peter and Robin (who said my Elan was sh*t... ) for the first time, amongst others...The show was crap, so we all went for a run over Snakes Pass...The road was busy, and I was at the back of the group...I was suddenly aware of a blue S1 pulling out to overtake...1 car...2 cars...3 cars...Surely he'll pull in now?...No...4 cars...5 cars - In the end, he overtook a huge line of traffic, and disappeared off into the clear road...That night, at dinner, tut was awarded the 'No Fear' sticker, which the original N1 TUT wore till it met its demise...

The other memory that sticks out, is Stelvio 2001...We were driving from Andorra to Barcelona, and stopped off to take in the view...

Andorra.jpg

tut's car (still 'k' series) had an Emerald fitted, and he had plugged in a laptop to mess around with the mapping - As we gained altitude, the car started running like a bag of spanners...Cue more fiddling with parameters...

The following day, we managed to get some way out of Barcelona, when tut's car started conking out...Cue more fiddling, at which point Robin suggested switching to the original map...tut then indicated he would, however his laptop was almost out of charge - Plug it in, says Robin...I can't says tut, as I haven't packed a charger...(!)

In the end, I think someone managed to save the map to a USB stick (or a 3.5" disk!), and use someone else's laptop, enabling us to get on the way again...

Also, just prior to the above, we'd pulled over to check the map, and I was sitting in Robin's S1...I became aware of the sound of running water from the rear of the car, and glanced into the wing mirror to see tut's wee fella spraying the back wheel of Robin's car with p*ss...Robin also noticed, and asked tut what he was up to...tut responded that it was perfectly within a gentleman's rights to relieve himself on the wheel of his carriage...Robin pointed out that while this may indeed be the case, the carriage he was relieving himself upon wasn't actually his...

Good times...

[graeme]

My first ever SE run, watching N1 disappear into a spec in the distance. It wasn't so much that I wanted to let Tut get ahead, more that he had 50bhp on me and I was already completely topped out in fifth.

(Not on a public road, obviously, officer. In fact, I just made the whole thing up. )

EDIT: This was the route we did that day: Google Maps

Ironside and I met up with Tut at Paul's place in Crieff. We hooked up with Iain T and Gil somewhere along the way. Tut peeled off somewhere around Aviemore and headed back to Old Deer and I headed back to my folks place in Coupar Angus. 415 miles for me... not bad for a first road run! Don't think we'd have made it all in one day without Tut up front showing us how it was done! Leg-end.

EDIT 2: Fixed the route.

[Brian J]

First met Tut after, I think, an early Tut Towers KH tracknight. I was first on the scene when he ran out of petrol on the road away from KH. Picked him up and we toured Dunfermline (which neither of us knew) looking for a garage who would sell petrol and a petrol can. That achieved we returned to his car to find that the can had no spout - ever tried to fill an Elise that way?

However, such is Tut's luck that he had run out outside one of the only houses on that road, whose owner was at that moment mowing his lawn and who had a petrol funnel for his mower. Job done and no more than one pint behind the others...........................................

[Rusty]

amazingly i don't remember my first meeting with tut, so it can't be that impressive.

I think it was something along the lines of he asked Alex (blue twin turbo 350z) at KH if Kat was his girlfriend, he said no, Daughter? No, She is Adam's girlfriend, "who is Adam?" Alex calls me over and tut politely says "lucky you"

or touch your missus inappropriately while grinning like a teenager ?

Umm At the Amp3 day, when he somehow managed to grab Kat's arse, then fall through the entrance to Andy's house and aim head first for Kat's cleavage!

[mac]

I can't recall my first physical encounter of the tut kind, probably at the OLC track day not long after we had bought the elise. Prior to this I had met the virtual Tut on the Official Lotus Club's forum where he and IDW (Iain Watt) put me on to Scottish Elises. I did this just in time to miss the 2002 Tut Towers run.

Since then I've always had a warm welcome anytime we met up but the most memorable one would be in the officer's mess during the tour of RAF Leuchars that Rich arranged when we greeted me as "Mac, how are you, you tosser!) from halfway across the room

[kenny]

touch your missus inappropriately while grinning like a teenager ?

To many quality moments to discuss all but o6o7o8 was a particularly memorable event.







Giles and Sian are very tolerant people