Tuesday test

BiggestNizzy · Post by **BiggestNizzy** » Thu Nov 15, 2007 6:54 pm

seems fair to me!

ExigeKen · Post by **ExigeKen** » Thu Nov 15, 2007 7:08 pm

BiggestNizzy wrote:seems fair to me!

ExigeKen · Post by **ExigeKen** » Thu Nov 15, 2007 7:09 pm

Hang on a minute Dom what if your missus reads that

Dominic · Post by **Dominic** » Thu Nov 15, 2007 8:45 pm

ExigeKen wrote:Hang on a minute Dom what if your missus reads that

Scotty C · Post by **Scotty C** » Fri Nov 16, 2007 10:02 am

ExigeKen wrote:Hang on a minute Dom what if your missus reads that

Did she not send it to him???

Dominic · Post by **Dominic** » Fri Nov 16, 2007 1:33 pm

Scotty C wrote:
ExigeKen wrote:Hang on a minute Dom what if your missus reads that
Did she not send it to him???

You know her?!?

Post by ed » Thu Nov 29, 2007 4:45 pm

My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.

Henny Youngman

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My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

Rodney Dangerfield

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A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Milton Berle

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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

George Burns

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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor."
I asked her , "Where's the car?" She replied, "In the lake."

Henny Youngman

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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Phyllis Diller

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The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

Henny Youngman

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After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."

The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

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When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
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I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
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My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got myself two girlfriends.

DDtB · Post by **DDtB** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 12:10 pm

Q. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs under a car?

A. Jack!

Post by ed » Tue Dec 04, 2007 12:22 pm

which brand of Condom do you buy?

Sainsbury Condoms - making life taste better

Tesco Condoms - every little helps

Nike Condoms - Just do it.

Peugeot Condoms - The ride of your life.

Galaxy Condoms - Why have rubber when you can have silk.

KFC Condoms - Finger Licking good.

Minstrels Condoms - melt in your mouth, not in your hands.

Safeway condoms - Lightening the load.

Abbey National condoms - because life is complicated enough.

Halifax Condoms - Always Giving You Extra

Coca Cola condoms - The real thing.

Ever Ready condoms - keep going and going.

Pringles condoms - once you pop, you can't stop

Burger king condoms - Home of the whopper

Goodyear condoms - "for a longer ride go wide"

Muller light condoms - so much pleasure, but where's the pain.

Royal Mail condoms - I saw this and thought of you.

Andrex condoms - Soft, strong and very very long

Renault condoms - size really does matter!

rossybee · Post by **rossybee** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 12:34 pm

Bloke goes into a chemist, and asks:

"Pack of 3 condoms please, Miss!"

Girl behind counter says:

"Don't 'Miss' me!"

Bloke:

"Better make that 4 then!"

Post by ed » Wed Dec 05, 2007 11:17 am

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly
remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a toy shop
and asks the salesperson, 'How much for one of those Barbie's in the
display window?' The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, sir?

We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach
Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95,
Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced
Barbie for $265.95'

The amazed father asks: 'It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95
and the others only $19.95?'

The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: 'Sir...,
'Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's
Furniture, Ken's Computer and...one of Ken's Friends.

ExigeKen · Post by **ExigeKen** » Wed Dec 05, 2007 11:41 pm

ed wrote:One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly
remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a toy shop
and asks the salesperson, 'How much for one of those Barbie's in the
display window?' The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, sir?

We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach
Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95,
Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced
Barbie for $265.95'

The amazed father asks: 'It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95
and the others only $19.95?'

The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: 'Sir...,
'Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's
Furniture, Ken's Computer and...one of Ken's Friends.

These would be yours Ed

Post by ed » Thu Dec 06, 2007 10:30 am

Sorry matey!

ruadh08 · Post by **ruadh08** » Thu Dec 06, 2007 10:34 am

A man was riding his Harley along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.

The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind."

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a Woman truly happy."

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?

Scotty C · Post by **Scotty C** » Thu Dec 06, 2007 11:02 am

DDtB wrote:Q. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs under a car?
A. Jack!

man with a seagull on his head? Cliff
man with a spade in his head? Doug
man rolling about in a pile of leaves? Russell

Anyone got any more?